


Miss You Like Crazy

by Claretgirl16



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 10:51:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11667633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claretgirl16/pseuds/Claretgirl16
Summary: So the confirmation of Jemma's last episode has been released, and I've seen various reactions to this news, on reading all about it and having had my own thoughts on it, this idea for a one shot based on the news just came to me so I thought I'd write it down and see how it turned out, here we go.Hope you enjoy reading! :)





	Miss You Like Crazy

And for now that was it.  
She'd done it.  
She'd told Hanssen she wanted a break, needed a break, a break from Holby, from AAU, from all of it, a chance to recharge her batteries, to gather herself, gather the bits of herself that had been spread thinly over the past few months, here, there and everywhere, emotions up and down, pulled this way and that, trying to juggle it all, keep all the plates spinning, and managing it, managing it until that trauma patient and unit blow, the one that had made her stop and think, stop and think properly for the first time in months, pause and consider her options, what she wanted from life, what she needed, what she herself actually wanted, what her mind and body needed right now, needed to make her feel better, make her happy, give her the rest her being had been hurtling towards her for god knows how long, running on empty for a while now.  
Pulling up outside the house, she flicked the ignition off, pulling herself out of the driver's seat and then up the front door moving inside, the lights all off since it was just her here now, Jason having made the decision to stay at Alan's for the foreseeable future and the brunette saying she could stay here whilst she was away, wanting her to stay here since she considered it Bernie's home too despite all the tension and upset that had gone on in regards to Elinor's death and aftermath, that night she asked if she'd come round later on, that breakthrough they'd made, that connection again, emotional and physical, reaching out for Bernie's help and Bernie all but happy to give it, something she'd wanted and craved to do since the death, something Serena had fought against, the stubbornness and independence coming out of her in waves, compounded by grief causing her to push away when all she wanted to do was have someone pull her close, tell her it would all be alright, that things would get better, feel better, that she'd feel better, the strength of Bernie's love being the one stable factor in her life, flickering away through the weeks like a inextinguishable candle, refusing to be snuffed out by grief, by the whirlwind of Serena's anger tied up in pain, pain that she felt at the pit of her stomach every day, not knowing where to attach it too in order to quell the feeling, coat the pain of her internal suffering. And so the blonde had stayed, she'd wanted to stay, to curl up in their bed, surrounded by Serena's things, her trinkets little reminders of her, some clothes still in the wardrobe, in the drawers, things around the house, her scent still on her pillow, one of the things Bernie enjoyed cuddling at night in bed or whenever she was in bed, a comforter, like a child with its favourite blanket or toy, glad of the fact Serena hadn't rid the house totally of her own clothes, taken them all with her whilst she was away, as if leaving them as a reminder of her statement on the roof 'I hope so'.

 

Hope.  
Such a small word.  
Small but mighty.  
A beacon of promise in a dark time.  
Something to keep you going.  
Something you can't eradicate.  
It keeps you going through the hard hours, the hard months.  
That statement of wanting Bernie there.  
Almost hoping that Bernie would be there.  
That she'd wait for her.  
She'd stick around.  
That she'd still want her too.  
That she'd not move on in the fact of finding someone else.  
Someone who'd not had issues with grief.  
Had issues with having to go away to clear their head.  
To heal.  
To mourn.  
That she'd still love her.  
That love something she wanted to be able to come back to.  
To come back to the woman she loved.  
She wanted.

 

The brunette being part of the reason for her wanting a break from the hospital, a break from 'life' for a while, a chance to free her mind, let go of or at least try to let go of the stresses and strains of the past few gruelling months, live a little as they say. So she'd made the break from it, a break from everything, and gone home, finishing her shift to pack a bag for herself, she'd heard from and kept in contact with the brunette since she taken her sabbatical, they'd text and called, even video called as she'd visited various destinations in Europe, saying how she was enjoying getting away from things, from the 'ghosts' back there, having time to heal and grieve properly in a place where no one knew her, a place she could just let it go, or at least try on some level, but also how she missed Bernie, missed her touch, the smell of her skin, feeling her arms around her and putting her arms around Bernie and having the blonde fall asleep on her, as well as missing the kisses of Bernie, the skin on skin contact, the closeness, togetherness, wishing Bernie could be here on holiday enjoying the sights and sounds with her, then casually dropping into their last conversation that she'd been nipping back to the U.K in a week or so to sort out something to do with her will or finalising it, something Bernie couldn't quite remember properly, more interested in the fact she'd heard Serena talk about coming back if only briefly before she got back on a plane to head out again to carry on her healing journey, which was also why she'd now got a holdall full of things she thought she'd need and had called a taxi to take her to the airport she knew Serena would be flying in and then out of again, because yes she'd checked the flight times of the arrivals and knew that the brunette in order to take care of business and where her solicitors was would only have this one airport in the vicinity, all the others would be too far away and would no way fit in with her plans to be in and out of the country. There was something to be said for army training coming in handy in situations that required finding a certain brunette and working out her route into the country, which 'roads' she'd have to take and how long she'd be in and out time wise, yes Serena Campbell was good at running the AAU, with Bernie's help of course, but when it came to planning and preparing for a tactical manoeuvre, having to get somewhere by a certain time and meet the required goal, Bernie was your woman. And so she was now making her way to the airport, that was until she'd hit traffic just before she'd got there, straining her neck out of the back seat to look through the window at the cars, then at her watch.  
"Sorry love, might be a few minutes late in this lot" said the driver from the front, giving the blonde a sympathetic smile in his rear view mirror.  
She didn't answer him, she couldn't she was too tense when she'd seen the traffic knowing the time gap for getting there was being eaten away, eroded, slipping through her fingers, but it wasn't just time that was, it was Serena too, the chance at catching her before she disappeared into the sky again, missing the chance at touching her, seeing her face in front of hers, needing it, wanting it so much it hurt.  
Then the traffic moved that bit further forward towards where she knew she needed to be, glancing to the cars on her right all jostling to go in the same direction, obviously holiday makers heading to the airport too, desperate to check in their bags and begin their summer holidays, not wanting to miss their flights, if only they knew how much the blonde next to them wanted to get there too, was willing the cars too move, wanting to be like something from a Godzilla or Hulk film where she could get out and lift all the other cars and traffic out of the way, clearing the road for her to head straight for the terminal, into the building and to her goal.  
Nervously she fidgeted with her hands, ringing them as the traffic moved once again, seeing the roundabout of the inner airport road, that bit closer to her terminal, seeing the white and glass building coming into her eye line, into her sight, just like a mirage in the desert, the ripple of the heat and sun casting a wave of flickering lights and sounds across the sand.

 

Shoving a couple notes into his hand she mumbled her thanks before getting out and dragging the holdall out too, slinging it over her shoulder and closing the car door, looking to her watch and her eyes widening as she saw the time, turning to the main entrance doors of the airport and dashing into the building, crowds of people meeting her, a mixture of holidaymakers and relatives, people picking up people, others waiting for passengers they were collecting in taxis and then there were also children rushing around, a cacophony of noises flooding Bernie's senses, quickly making her way over to one of the TV screens with departures on it, seeing the flight she was after in front of her and then the gate, it being that little bit too late to have checked in, having missed the check in time, taking a chance she quickly moved to said desk and thanks to a very understanding young woman on the desk, obviously seeing a rather flustered and panicked blonde woman in front of her, near enough begging to allow her to be checked in, briefly explaining she was trying to get to the woman she loved, that she didn't have another opportunity to be with her because she'd be out of the country and she wouldn't know where she was going to go after this particular leg of her journey, so she'd probably against the rules checked Bernie onto the flight, the cheap, last minute flight she'd booked the night before, unable to help herself book it, she needed it, she needed Serena.  
Dashing to the escalator she rode it to the first floor and then power walked, teamed with a run to the security gates, her heart sinking as she saw the queue, clutching a passport and boarding card in a rather sweaty palm that she felt growing ever more so by the minute, a wall clock to her left goading her with showing how she was missing the chance to be with Serena, knowing the gate would be boarding and her chances of catching it were slipping away like sand in a timer, the woman she loved was slipping away, this thought clutching and squeezing her heart, the sinking feeling lulling in her stomach, staying with her all the way through the security line and still lingering as she passed trouble free out of the other side, grabbing her bags and belongings, roughly keeping hold of them and running through the airport, doubling checking as she did the numbers on her boarding pass to make sure she was heading in the right direction and to the right gate, but then abruptly stopped just before said gate her heart dropped, dropped at the sight of the back of a head with brunette hair in the distance, the figure obviously already having handed over her boarding pass and heading onto the plane, Bernie's legs not able to make the distance in time before the last passengers were heading onto the plane she needed to be on.  
"Serena?! Serena wait, wait please!?" she called out at the diminishing figure in the distance, the one that had totally vanished by the time she reached the gate, her lungs screaming for air from the running effort and shouting combined together, dropping the lead weight feeling holdall on the floor, still clutching her passport and boarding pass, looking to the stern looking woman at the gate, knowing from her look alone and the strap across the gate that she was too late, she'd missed her chance, she'd missed Serena, her one chance had evaporated into thin air, the brunette would be on the plane now, the plane that she could now see sat on the runway, the workers on the ground giving the thumbs up to the pilot and taking the steps away from the doors, before the paddles came out and they started directing it onto the runway for takeoff, this sight making Bernie turn away, unable to watch the woman she loved actually flying off into the distance, her heart falling to her feet, clamping her hand over her mouth to muffle the strangled cry of pain that suddenly leapt out, followed by a rush of tears, said tears cascading down her cheeks, unable to be held back, the emotional torrent running freely as she moved to sit on the floor, her back against the window, the holdall at her side, head now in her hands as she sobbed, not wanting anyone to see her, not that anyone was actually remotely interested in the blonde on the floor, the majority of passengers having dissipated from the gates since the flights had all but taken off or were due to take off, leaving a distraught Bernie on the floor in their wake.  
After an indefinite amount of time sat on the floor, her body having exhausted itself of crying, her breathing heaving from her lungs asking for air for all the oxygen Bernie had used up through sobbing, she gave a deflated sigh, not having the energy it seemed to lift her head up from the cradle of her hands.

 

"I do believe if you don't get up soon you might find it much more difficult, especially at your age, we're both too old to be sitting on the floor for long periods of time" the voice floating to her ears and almost making her breathing stop, a voice she'd know anywhere but wasn't entirely sure she was actually hearing talk to her.  
Almost in slow motion she sniffed and began to lift her head from her hands, a pair of legs being revealed next to her, legs that were wearing loose fitting trousers and dark trainers, a loose fitting t shirt hugging their curves, a womanly cleavage that led upwards to their face.  
Her face.  
The one face Bernie couldn't believe she was actually seeing through her bleary and red eyes, her face red and tear stained.  
Serena.  
Serena Campbell.  
Serena was here next to her.  
But Serena had gotten on the plane.  
Hadn't she?  
Apparently not.  
"Are you just going to sit there?" she smiled down at Bernie, offering her hand to help the trauma surgeon up, Bernie taking the hand and quickly getting to her feet, Serena was right they were of an age where prolonged periods of sitting on floors wasn't recommended, carpeted or not, right again Campbell.  
"But you...you got..got on that plane?" Bernie managed to hoarsely say, her eyes making their way all over Serena's face searching for something, anything to explain what was happening.  
She shook her head.  
"I was going to get on the plane, until I heard my name being called, being called by you, you didn't see me turn round because of the crowd that blocked your view to the boarding gate, after that I couldn't...I couldn't get on, not until I found you, found out what was happening, if I had actually heard your voice. So I came back into the airport and have been wandering around trying to find you, hoping that you'd not left, not sure where you'd be, I took a chance that you might still be here near the gate" she explained, her brown eyes not moving from Bernie's hazel pair.  
"I've left Holby...said I...I needed a break, a break to explore and do different things, things became...became a bit much, too much without you" and they had, she'd missed the brunette so much, the only thing that made sense was being with her and being without her for a prolonged period of time had made her mind up about having a break of her own. "Hence me getting that" pointing to the passport and boarding pass on the floor at their feet. "And hoping somehow to find you before you left the country, and well...here I am" she shrugged.  
Serena took a step forward and closed the gap between them, dropping her bags beside Bernie's holdall and putting her hands on the blonde's hips, eyes together only looking at each other.  
"You did all this for me?" Serena asked, seeing Bernie nod in answer, the brunette touching their foreheads together, relishing the touch of the other woman's skin against her own for the first time in months. "I've missed you so much" she whispered, both of them closing their eyes, Bernie's arms around Serena's waist pulling their bodies close together. "Missed your touch, your smell, your kisses, being close to you, seeing you when I wake up and when I close my eyes at night, you holding me, all of it" the months without the blonde although she'd enjoyed her travels and being able to get away to grieve, there was a Bernie shaped hole in her life, one she'd never be able to fill without the blonde herself.  
"I've missed you so much too" Bernie whispered, Serena feeling the breath of the blonde against her own lips, this drawing her in like a magnet to said lips, brushing her lips to Bernie's for the first time in months, hearing the trauma surgeon whimper at the contact, pulling Serena hard to her body and leaning into the kiss, savouring the brunette's sweet lips on her own, unable to help herself slip her tongue into the mix, groaning softly when it was met by an equally enthusiastic tongue from the brunette, their kiss deepening, one of Serena's hands working through messy, blonde curls, one of Bernie's following this action and threading into the bottom of brunette locks from the base of the vascular surgeons neck, upwards, both women lost in each for however long they stood their kissing for.

 

Parting after their lungs forced their lips apart, they stood somewhat breathless, their cheeks and lips flushed pink, eyes locked on each other, smiles creeping over their faces.  
"I love you" Bernie whispered tenderly, her hands back around Serena's waist.  
"And I love you too" Serena offered back in an equally sincere and loving whisper, also with her arms around the waist of the blonde, not wanting to let go. "I can't go away without you again, I need you close and I miss you too much when I'm not with you, come away with me, let's have this adventure together?".  
Bernie's smile grew wider at the offer, it reaching all the way to her eyes, the expression enough to confirm the answer to Serena, causing the brunette to flash a grin to Bernie, sharing a gentle kiss together before regaining their previous positions.  
"Does this mean I get to see you in a bikini?" Bernie asked cheekily, smirking softly, seeing Serena raise her eyebrows at the question.  
"And there was me thinking you wanted me for more than my body Wolfe" she gave back quickly, Bernie chuckling, which in turn made Serena smile. "Let's go and see if we can get these flights changed before I change my mind" now it being her turn to smirk at the blonde, giving as good as she got, pecking Bernie's lips again, releasing the blonde from her arms and picking her bags up, Bernie picking her own up and then reliving the brunette of one so they were carrying two each, unable to help peck Serena's lips again, the brunette flashing her a loving smile, appreciating how thoughtful Bernie was.  
"Carry on like this and buy me a glass or two of Shiraz in the bar when we've sorted these flights out and who knows, maybe I'll treat you to your own private show of seeing me without a bikini on on holiday" winking and smiling smugly at Bernie, before taking off down the departures lounge to try and rearrange their flights, an eager Bernie following behind, the blonde catching up to and then walking beside her, many delicious images flashing across her mind.


End file.
